This Bipolar Life: Letting Go of “How”

So, my life has been turned a bit sideways as of late and yet I’ve managed to navigate some very big changes while staying mostly calm and balanced. Of course, I still did my standard “let me manage everything” bit and tried to control how it all happened along the way. I’m sure you can imagine how well that went. Eventually I realized what I was doing and stepped back. I decided to focus on the desired outcome (the what) and try to let go of process (the how) we got there.

I found I started to feel much more relaxed and very fluid, allowing things to move around me as I remembered (and reminded myself as needed) that I had no real control over anything. This is an ongoing life lesson for me as I have been a “control freak” for as long as I can recall. Or at least I used to be. After lots of therapy I have gotten to a space where I really am better at just letting things go, thankfully.

How have I accomplished this so far? I’m not entirely sure. I think a lot of it has to do with the realization of just how much work it is to try to manage all the details. It’s frankly just exhausting. I know it’s driven mostly by irrational anxieties and that I’m worrying and/or overthinking unnecessarily, but that doesn’t change the fact that my brain instantly wants to control the process. It’s a struggle at times but it’s totally worth it for the relief of not being and instead allowing myself the peace that comes with not being in charge all the time. I do like being the boss on occasion but doing it all the time?

I’ve worked hard at recognizing that everyone uses their own methods and that they can be unique and still be effective. Trust me, getting to that point has taken a lot of work and there are times when I still forget and go back to my old ways. Where I try to over analyze the entire situation and attempt to convince people to do it “my way”, because of course that’s the best way, right? That’s usually when someone in my care circle gently reminds me that my brain is on overdrive and I need to just breathe and trust the process, even if it doesn’t match mine.

In the end I’ve learned that what matters to me is getting results rather than getting stuck in the details of how we get there. Finding that balance has given me a relief I would never have thought possible. Most of the time anyway 😉

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