This Bipolar Life: The Nest

This “leaving the nest” is so not my thing. At least not quite yet. I’m definitely not prepared.

Like all kids, my kids need me less and different ways than ever before. I don’t know if anyone is ever ready for kids to leave “on time” much less to do so “early”. But this “leaving early” bit is for the birds! I want my young ones back. I want a re-do, as my kids used to say. Just so I could nuzzle them more, listen more, laugh more, just all the mores I wish I’d done. I know full well I am not the only mom feeling this way either. Damn, I’ve read enough self-help books out there to know there are entire tomes dedicated to this subject, but this here, this is my version and my story.

My 25yo son left several years ago for college and is now fully launched. My 18yo son recently graduated high school and plans to move out to Alaska for work.  My 15yo son is a 35yo man inside a 15yo kid and needs very little from me other than basic ethics guidance, schedule structure, money and, well socks and underwear too – lol. And now my 14yo daughter just moved out of state to live with her dad full time – I was so not ready for this one! Any of them really but my daughter’s move has been unexpectedly hard.

The leaving happens in small increments too. Not just moving out, or even moving on, or just no longer needing me in quite the same way. Increasingly often, my children are scampering right off the ledge for the bigger, better, more, etc. The world beyond me.

It is as it should be yet I am full of emotions. I can be desperately sad and elated and worried and thrilled and sad again (just a bit) each time I come across one more step into the world. Despite the impact to my heart I do a pretty decent job of remembering it is exactly what I’m supposed to deal with and have faith I’m able to push through this and reach a positive perspective on the whole experience.

I’m sure that’ll come with time but for now I just need space to be sad while pretending beyond all measure (at the very least as the face I show the kids) to be excited and happy at all their new adventures. And I am. I’m also sad. Healing will come later.

1 Comment

  1. It ain’t easy, so good for you to take the space you need here to articulate what’s going on with you and push through to healing as time passes. 💜🌈

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